Chapter 8: social life
special preview chapter
it’s time to start seeing other people
About a month or two after getting married, you will start to get “the itch.” At first, there is slight unease. But soon, you will feel stifled and smothered.
Although you love your wife dearly, you realize there is only one solution: It’s time to start seeing other people.
No, not romantically, Einstein. Socially. Hanging out exclusively with your wife—just the two of you, day after day, night after night—is, well, too much of a good thing.
You are eager to see your old friends again. You are ready to see your family again. You are even willing to see her family.
Almost anybody, really.
The challenge is that “your” (singular possessive) social life is now “your” (plural possessive) social life. And you do not have full control of the calendar. Or the guest list.
Let’s take a look at who you might be able to socialize with. Just don’t expect all of these relationships to stay the same as pre-marriage.
Your Old (Guy) Friends
Does your wife like your guy friends? Well, you will soon learn the difference between her liking them and her tolerating them. You will still get to see the boys at reunions, important football games, pickup basketball games, etc. But in marriage, “friendship time” will quickly transition into “couples friendship time.”
If her friends are already part of a couple, the default will have you hanging out with them. Their respective husbands (or boyfriends) are now your new guy friends. Congratulations!
Pro tip: Find reasons to stay in touch with your old friends. Fantasy football. Gaming. Sharing stupid memes on a WhatsApp chain. When you retire in 40 years, you might have the opportunity to fully reconnect with these guys.
Your Old (Gal) Friends
We turned to the internet to see if it’s okay for married men to keep in touch with their old, platonic, female friends. WikiHow.com was quite emphatic:
“Is it okay for a married man to have female friends?
“Yes; in fact, it’s healthy! You should always encourage your husband to have friends, no matter what gender they are. As long as your husband and his friends respect your relationship, there shouldn’t be any problems.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (deep breath)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Uh, NO, WikiHow. That’s not how it works. Your pre-marriage female friends will rarely, if ever, be a thing moving forward.
Your Parents
Even if you haven’t lived with your parents for a decade, your marriage serves as a kind of separation from them. And separation anxiety happens to parents, too.
Now that you’re married, you will be asked to equitably allocate your parent time. This includes dividing holidays, like Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Good luck with that.
Happily, there will usually be a few obligatory family gatherings—Billy’s graduation, Aunt Mary’s big birthday bash, etc.—so you’ll get to see siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.
Your mother will struggle with the relationship transition more than your father will. Dad will act pretty much the same. But Mom, who has been mothering you forever, will find it very difficult to stop.
And your wife is NOT going to like it. The missus is the new sheriff in town, and she doesn’t want a deputy.
It’s best that you (kindly) tell Mom that ASAP. But you won’t. Because you’re a wuss and you’re afraid to hurt her feelings. And you know it won’t work. Either way, from now on, the Mother vs. Wife tension will be YOUR fault. Ugh.
Your Siblings
It’s cool. Nothing really changes.
Her Parents
After you negotiate holidays and other visits, you get to spend time with your in-laws. That’s generally okay, as long as they don’t consider you a low-life who isn’t good enough for their daughter. (In that case, you have a few years to prove them wrong.)
Your father-in-law will be chill, happy to talk sports and regale you with rambling stories from his college days. But he’s harmless.
Your mother-in-law, naturally, will be the tricky one. Not because of her interactions with you. It’s due to her relationship with your wife.
The two of them absolutely, 100% love each other. And much of the time, they don’t particularly like each other. Especially when your mother-in-law acts like the mother hen of your new household. This will drive your wife crazy.
Good news: This will NOT be your fault. Bad news: It will be your problem.
Steer clear while the two of them are bickering. And be prepared to listen to your wife vent about it later. And then again, repeatedly, over the next few days.
(Remember what we learned in Chapter 2: Just nod often and keep your mouth shut.)
Her Siblings
It’s cool. Nothing really changes.
Conclusion
All things considered, maybe it’s not so bad just hanging out with your wife. She’s a lot of fun. And it’s SO much easier.
So make that dinner reservation for two. Get a pair of tickets for the comedy show. Keep those Date Nights coming!
You can see those “other people” some other time.
Copyright © 2024 by Rick Resnick
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